Tag Archives: Lust

Stressed & Exhausted

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I still haven’t talked to BD since the night that he asked for the divorce and called me harassing me afterwards .. actually I set my phone to send all his calls directly to voicemail just in case he does call.

Wednesday night Kat’s daughter came over to spend the night with Kidlet since they were on spring break. Both girls had fun and there was Justin Bieber mania in my house that night (Kidlet put up 52 posters of him in her room including on the ceiling lol) there was some drama later on however with an ex friend and her husband that affected myself and the girls as well so I was stressed trying to calm everyone down.

My schedule this past week was a killer because I wanted extra time off to be home with Kidlet so we could actually spend some quality time together on her vacation so I had to work all sorts of weird shifts to make up for it so I am freaking exhausted .. I’m lucky if I know my name let alone the date lol.

I’m also kind of stressed about the man in my life … he has finally decided to go to the Army so I don’t know where that really leaves us or what we were trying to do. So many things are up in the air with that whole situation *shrugs*.

I suppose I am going to go float around the internet a little bit and comment on some sites or something.

Lust is?

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I’m stuck and confused. Most of me really likes D but, part of me is detached. He makes me feel special, makes me laugh & smile again but, I have reservations. I don’t know if it’s my past. his age, the ghettoness factor or what is holding me back.

I do know that no matter how much I like him I’m only kinda physically attracted to him. when I think of him I think of kissing and cuddling not of sex. I think he also makes me doubt my sexual skills.

The other night D kept talking about Valentine’s Day asking what my favorite flowers, colors & candies are. I really don’t want him to get me anything. I don’t feel right accepting gifts from him. But, on the other hand I will feel bad if he gets me something and I don’t get him anything. I have no clue what an appropriate gift would be in this situation. Do I make or buy him a card but, put a personalized message in it?

Ugh!!!!!!

How do I feel?

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I really like you a lot. More than I expected to really. I like that we can talk for hours at a time about everything and everything under the sun. I like that we really seem to click and get each other even though we haven’t know each other for long.

When we don’t get to talk because of our busy schedules I miss talking to you. Yes, your a smart ass but, your also sweet & funny (yes cute too lol) and you make me smile when I’ve had a bad day.

I like that your a real & genuine person, that you know what is important in life and how to treat the women in it, your no bullshitting attitude, the morning wake up calls, and the way you hold me when we get to see each other.

I think that with all these things that we might actually be building the basis for what could really be a great thing for both of us.

Stupid Men!

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So this past Saturday I had to work at 8 am and cover my bosses shift because he had some of his family coming in from out of town and I really didn’t mind because I was originally only scheduled 30.5 hours (The store hours changed to basically everyone is getting fucked on hours). Anyway, it was so hot out that day when I came home I just completely passed out face down on my bed. I was so out of it that I missed multiple texts (around 20 .. gotta love Twitter lol) and numerous calls to both my cell & house phones. I finally woke up at almost 10 pm and I went to Kdawg’s to have some dinner. Shortly after that I came back home and passed out again since I had to be at work at 8 am again on Sunday.

So Sunday evening I was texting with SBD and I told him the story and he told me that he knows because he stopped by. He then tells me that he was drinking that night and started to get all emotional and he came over about 5 am on Sunday. When I didn’t answer the door he debated just letting himself in since he has my extra key. I told him that he should have considering I needed to be up around then anyways to get ready for work but, had he done that he would have gotten an eye full as I was sleeping naked. His response? That’s ok I have seen it before.

WTF? Honestly, if he was actually drunk enough to consider letting himself in I know that he would have climbed right in bed next to me and cuddled me to death regardless of my possible lack of clothing. Ok, so he probably would have tried to get uber “friendly” with me who am I trying to kid here?

That on top of last weekend when myself, SBD & FFBA went out SBD kept rubbing my heart tattoo on my chest under the pretense of wanting to feel if it scarred. When he did it at the bar I really thought nothing of it well, because we were in a public place with FFBA around and everything I just didn’t think he was ballsy enough to mean it that way. Then, later when we were all at FFBA’s house and heading out to breakfast he did it again this time when FFBA was in the other room. The other day he admitted that he “probably” did it so that he could feel my boobs. Um hello? That tattoo is in the middle of my chest touching that wouldn’t necessarily lead to feeling up a boob damn it.

I don’t know where I was going with this .. I just wanted to write it out I guess since he came here to pick up his two dvds and that required looking at him lol