So, after suspecting for quite sometime that BD does live with his girlfriend Kidlet confirmed it a few weeks ago. She was told by her Dad to keep it from me and she was upset and worried that I would be mad. I had to explain to her that yes when she was not quite 4 and I found out that her father had her around his girlfriend I was angry that he lied to me and refused to let me meet her because 1) he had shitty judgment about who he associated with 2) Kidlet was just so upset and confused about our recent break up that she didn’t need more confusion but, mostly because 3) I was concerned with her safety. But, now I just don’t care and since he is so busy controlling someone else he forgets about harassing me.
Then Kidlet proceeded to tell me how they had a 2 bedroom apartment but, the second bedroom was their join office because they “couldn’t afford to buy her a bed”, and that the situation there is just as bad as it was when we were together. I told her honestly that I left so that she wouldn’t grow up seeing her father treat me like that and think that was the way women should be treated and that it makes me upset and sad that she has to see that when she is there. Kidlet just doesn’t understand why his girlfriend stays after being treated like shit for 9 years.
Then, Kidlet told me that they were moving into a whole house that is ranch style with 2 bedroom so that her grandpa who had some strokes can get out of the nursing home and go live with her dad. Yet, again they didn’t look for a place that would have a bedroom for her and they just bought two new puppies too. I told her that in someways I do feel sorry for his girlfriend for having to deal with him but, at this point she had a big opportunity to leave him instead of moving with him and she didn’t take it so really it’s her fault for staying.
But when I am honest with myself yes, I am glad that when Kidlet is over there there is someone with at least a few functioning braincells around to make sure that Kidlet is ok but, I have moments were I am angry that when she is there on weekends that they have this little “family” environment. I am mad that because of they way BD acts Kidlet couldn’t have both of her parents together as a family, that in 10 years he has never supported her nor provided for any of her basic needs, is only interested in Kidlet to make himself look like a great father, and is just such a shitty human being.
Yet, in all ways I am both mother and father to Kidlet and she comes first in my world point blank period. Not a day passes without me considering how whatever I do affects her. I’ve worked hard to support her and am doing so right now without a job, without public assistance, without child support and without any help from him and he knows it yet her needs are still not a priority for him. How do I get to a place where I don’t feel like BD is trying to replace me in Kidlet’s life with his girlfriend?
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