I have been steady looking at apartments for the past week. I found one that I am in love with but, I keep getting dicked around so I doubt that I will get the apartment.

I have been collecting donations of household items from friends and family since I basically lost everything when I moved into my Mom’s house.

I am dreading the move but so excited. I don’t look forward to the pressure of paying all the bills but, I can’t wait to be able to leave my clothes on the bathroom floor, have company whenever I want or hell wander around the house naked If I desire.

Honestly, I have never had a place to live that was my own. Yes, I had the house after I kicked BD out but, it always felt like he was there and he always felt that he had the right to be there anytime he wanted.

This apartment will have no bad memories, no thoughts of BD lurking in the other room waiting to scream at me. I don’t have to have the perfect matching furniture or butt ugly stuff that is brought home by someone else that I HAVE to keep FOREVER.

I have high hopes that with moving out my child will go back to her independent self. I hope be able to develope a real functional relationship with a man. I hope to grow into the person that I have always known deep down that I could be.

I feel that this can truely be a new chapter in my life but, only if I make it that way.

Just writing this makes me think that in someways I am starting to change. I guess at almost 28 it’s time for me to stop floating with the current but, to make my own waves.