I’ve worked hard to get to the point that I am now in my personal life. There has been so many tears shed and so many things broken in my anger that I’ve lost track.

I find myself slipping back to the way things used to be sometimes. I find myself doing things on purpose just to fuck with peoples heads. I’m playing with a fire that I really shouldn’t be. I feel like hiding away.

The one person that I need the most right now the reason I was strong in the first place is gone. I need him and I can’t tell him. I can’t lean on him anymore because he has his own life & his own problems with his marriage and a baby on the way.

I don’t know how I got back to this place .. I never wanted to.